frogmom1010's Xanga

Happy Again...

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:15:04 GMT

I don't get on here much anymore... just reading over my entries, GEEZ! lol. But it really was a rough year for me last year i am so happy that part of my life is over. I am FINALLY happy again. I met the man of my dreams; everything i have been hoping & praying for! Thanking God EVERY day for my new life.

I NEED TO GET A LIFE...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:32:03 GMT

but it's just so hard...

after everything that has happened in my life already.

i am untrusting now-i never was before!

and i am picky-maybe too picky!

i don't know what to do but...

i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

this sucks!!

HEARTS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE BROKEN!

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:55:03 GMT

Attack my health, and I can recover. Attack my job or finances, and I can find a way to pull through. Attack my pride and I grow thicker skin.

But wound my heart, and you leave me devastated.

Few things in this world hurt like a broken heart. It's the blow that you never see coming: a longtime friend turns their back on you. Someone you love rejects you. Somebody you've let into the deepest, most private corners of your heart says or does something to hurt you where you're most vulnerable.

Maybe somebody hurt you out of spite, and you're reeling from the betrayal. Or maybe a heart-wrenching breakup or the loss of a loved one has you feeling empty and alone.

Painful as it is, the broken heart is here to stay. It's part of being human, and it's a sometimes bitter reminder of how important our relationships are to us. Our need to connect with other people is hardwired into us. And that's the heart of the problem--we're forming relationships with people, who sometimes make mistakes, act cruelly, or just go away.

So is the solution to avoid other people altogether, to harden our hearts against relationships that might disappoint or hurt us? Are we willing to throw out the joy that relationships can bring to avoid the possibility of pain down the road? Is it possible to experience love without the fear of loss and hurt, without the fear that we'll be let down in the end?

That's the heart of the question, isn't it? So what's the answer?

What do you think is the biggest mistake that people tend to make in relationships?

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:21:47 GMT

THE FEATURED QUESTION HUH?!?!

Well, i dunno bout "people" but i can tell you about me!! I am too open to guys & i lay it all out there for them... i would like to think that i am being not only honest but trustworthy, kind & respectful but... this tactic has only gotten me a broken heart. I kinda thought a guy might love to find a girl who doesn't play games, can cook, clean her ass off, sexy as hell, good in bed---loves sex and sports & all kinds of other shit but i might be wrong bout that. WHATEVER!!! I'm outta here. This just depressed me the hell out of me.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

NOT ON THE PHONE!!

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:33:13 GMT

I'm sorry, i am sure no one really wants to listen to me whine & complain but i REALLY need to get this shit out of my system!!

I met a guy this Spring, John, well i knew him when we were kids. We dated for a little bit when we were young, like 23 years ago. Awww, i know, it IS cute... how do you think i feel?!?!

We talked online first & got to know each other a little, went out on a date & well, i just fell in love with him soon there after. He had turned out to be such a wonderful man; raised his son on his own, has a great career, priorities, can hold a nice conversation, fun, sweet, cute, i could go on & on. I couldn't help but not to. All the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit. Not to mention that when we kiss it is like... UNREAL, there are no words & the sex is INCREDIBLE, OMG!! When he looked in to my eyes it just made me melt no lie. Not just the chemistry, he just really impressed me which is no small feat; not that i think i'm all that but it takes a lot for me to respect a man now-a-days. He is really great!!

Fast forward to now... September... i was at work... just went back to work after having the summer off... i made a joke in a text then when i called him & talked about it he was not too responsive so i was joking saying "baby, do you need a break" meaning from me... and he said "maybe"... NOT NO!! MAYBE... while i was at work.

I could not work the rest of that shift i can promise you that. I couldn't stop crying, it was a nightmare shift! The second i got out of there i called him to ask him what he had to say to me. Of course he dumped me... ON THE PHONE. I am 35-years-old & not only have i never been dumped (i'm usually the dumper) it was over the phone. I have a real problem with that.

There are a couple things that have happened between us that i just could not possible say here (sorry, i hate that, to leave anyone hanging) but it is AWFUL. I did something for him that i would NEVER do in a million years or longer, and i am HURTING over it, but i did it for him... i did it because i love him & i could never see him hurting & that's what it would have done.

I had someone die in my family unexpectedly & i still think everyday how we never got the chance to say goodbye... this feels exactly the same. I mean even if this guy does not feel the same about me (and yes! he made it abundantly clear he doesn't) doesn't he have a heart! After all we had gone through at least think of me. I could never hurt someone like that. Did he even think about what that might do to me beforehand?? I know telling someone you don't love them or want them is not fun... or easy... but shouldn't you at least respect that person enough to tell them to their face! I am devastated over the fact that i never even got to say goodbye to him... not on the phone.

So i really need to get this out right here, what i would have said to him if he had told me to my face was this, this is my Goodbye:

"I'm sorry it didn't work out & I wish you nothing but the best." (I would just hug him & kiss him, look in to his eyes) "I Love You Baby!! Goodbye." Maybe a tear if i couldn't help it, but i would let him go. It could have been that easy! Maybe we could have even been friends again one day. I will never know now. It's so sad to me. I just should have been given the chance to say goodbye, it's just not right. Do you know how hard it is to move on when you didn't even say goodbye!!

It just ended all wrong & i am very hurt over this man. I treated him kindly & was nothing but nice to him. I didn't deserve this. JUST NOT OVER THE PHONE, COMON!!

Sorry to throw all of my mess out there but i just had to get it out. I'm usually the one who gives all the advice but right now i sure could use some.

Today.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:20:27 GMT

There have been many days when i wished i didn't have to get out of bed, face anyone or even myself for that matter. Today was one of them but guess what... i did it & i made it & i'm actually okay.

Sometimes i make choices that i am not too proud of. Sometimes i have to do something for the greater cause. Sometimes i do things just to make others happy. Sometimes i don't know why the hell i do things. I also do things for the people i love. I do things FOR love! But each day is a Blessing to me no matter how hard the day before it was.

Right now i would love to sit around & feel sorry for myself, trust you me, I WOULD! But what is that going to do for me really? Validate the things i've done? NO! It won't.

I have a LOT to be thankful for so i'm going to focus on those things:

waking up today & everyday-thank you God, i give it ALL up to you, please forgive me
the love of my children-there's no greater love & i couldn't ask for 2 more beautiful, thoughtful, sweet & smart daughters-mommy loves you SO IN THE WORLD
my mother-thank God she is still alive, i almost lost her 16 years ago
my sisters-as much drama as it is... I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY-7 Sistas for Life
my family-my brother, nieces & nephews & the babies i adore to make me feel old. lol.
friends who care about me not only when things are good-you're always there for me it means the world to me
my strength-not sure where i get it & as much as i try to deny it it's always there
and my baby-i would have never imagined all this but i wouldn't change a thing-i love you more than you will probably ever know

See i do have a lot to be thankful for. Today reminded me of two of my favorite sayings; "the only sure thing is change" & "all things heal with time". Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day & a better day after that, and after that...

The Democratic National Convention-from my point of view!

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:15:55 GMT

Well, i'm not sure how much of a "point of view" on politics I have right now, i've been going through something awful lately & I am not as "in to" this event as i normally would be (I love POLITICS!), I did however manage to watch the opening & saw a couple of speakers.

Let me start by saying i am in NO joking mood but the second Howard Dean entered the stage all i could think of was the i.n.f.a.m.o.u.s. "SCREAM HEARD AROUND THE WORLD" speech of his a few years back (remember that one when HE was running for office) & i just had to laugh. No, really, i busted out hysterical. Now, me, personally, i didn't think that what he did during that speech back when was all that bad! Nor did i think the whole "Tom Cruise Jumping on the Couch/Oprah Thingy" was that bad either, cuTE actually, he was in love & couldn't help how he was feeling & needed to jump on a couch-can't blame a guy for being in love. Okay! Back to tonight. Did you notice the smirk on Deans face while he was speaking, from the second he started talking? OMG! I am sure he has learned his lesson about his "acting out" in public, and i am sure he has "advisors" who tell him how to "act", but anyone can clearly see that his "inner child" was DYING to jump out on the stage of that Democratic National Convention tonight:

roll up those button down shirt sleeves
pant like a dog in to the mic as he hears his name being chanted-"Dean! Dean! Dean! Dean!!
hold his microphone out to hear his name being chanted even louder
grab a little American Flag out of the audience
wave it up high almost poking someones eyeball out
all the while getting worked up in to a sweaty frenzy!

..."We will not give up... We will not give up in New Hampshire. We will not give up in South Carolina! BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. ELECT BARACK OBAMA DAMMIT! BLAH. BLAH. BLAH...

Y-E-A-HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

It was all i could do to contain myself. Sorry Howard Dean, i'm sure you have tried to put THAT moment behind you but...

(If you want to see that famous Howard Dean speech again now that i planted it in to your mind so vividly, just youtube it, keywords: "Howard Dean YEAH!!". OKAY! I gave in, here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDwODbl3muE , thanx kittensaremegasilly, hope you don't mind!)

On a more serious note... it was nice to see Ted Kennedy tonight.

He actually looked good all things considering & in high spirits. Everyones gotta love Ted Kennedy, whether you are from the Left or the Right, Conservative or Liberal, Ted Kennedy represents "Politics" in some shape or form & commands respect for all that he has done for this Country! I wondered the whole time he was speaking if that was the last time i might see him speak publicly. I felt sad, even got teary eyed. He is the last of the "Kennedy's" as we know it; a part of not only our American History but our American Culture as we know it today. He is that last "representative" of a time ago not soon forgotten, that last glimpse of Camelot. It's sad! I also wondered if he would speak of his Brother President John F. Kennedy? I wondered if this moment in his life with all he is going through facing death was such a reminder of all those years ago when his little brother was being nominated? And to my surprise he mentioned his brother (not something he speaks of often publicly)... he noted that when his brother dreamed about going to the moon, when everyone said it couldn't be done, he didn't quit, he moved on & how our Flag still stands there today! He was comparing that to what he believes Barack Obama will also achieve in his "mission". I am not one to think that "endorsements" make all that much difference to the American public personally but i think that was a pretty BIG deal if for nothing else personally for Barack Obama, a moment he should always remember. I know i always will!

Okay, i gotta go for now. I am gonna try to catch the Michelle Obama speech. I'll get back to you on my thoughts on that if i actually catch it... I FEEL THE FOG COMING ON AGAIN!

BTW: I am not a Democrat. Just felt the need to throw that out there.

Lying!

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 21:06:52 GMT

Blogging has become somewhat therapeutic; i saw on Dr. Phil (some anger issues show i think) that when you are mad you should write the letter or email but NOT send it. I thought that was weird or stupid or something i remember thinking, WRITE IT BUT NOT SEND IT, WHY!, but the more blogs i write the more i can see... THEY MIGHT BE ON TO SOMETHING! It gets your frustration out in the same manner as if you actually sent it to the person without causing all the drama.

So, "lying", everyone knows what outright lying is i'm sure---we've ALL done it! I have lied a BIT in my life but now that i have grown up/matured i take pride in not lying to anyone about anything... EVER! At any costs too. I have hurt many people in my days by lying about this or that & looking back, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't fair to the people i was lying to either. But the outright lying is not what i want to talk about. It's the other kind of lying that the people who do this certain kinds of lying act as if they don't/aren't.

Simply not telling someone something or leaving certain facts out is called OMITTING THE TRUTH and IS actually lying. Not only is is WRONG, you can HURT people by doing it either way. The thing is with omitting the truth you make people wonder more than they should or would about the topic than need be. Sometimes the "not knowing" hurts worse than if the cold hard facts were just put right out there. It's not right to hurt people like this. Don't do it, it's just not fair to the person you are lying to!

Just incase you didn't get the definition (courtesy of dictionary.com)

o·mit

verb (used with object), o·mit·ted, o·mit·ting.

1. to leave out; fail to include or mention: to omit a name from a list.
2. to forbear or fail to do, make, use, send, etc.: to omit a greeting.
—Related forms
o·mit·ter, noun

PS: Sorry Dr. Phil & that whole panel of Shrinks... I'M ACTUALLY GONNA POST THIS! And a BIG Thank You Blogging Community, a virtual bunch of strangers whom i don't really care if YOU know what i'm feeling! lol me.

Remember what Friday Nights USED to mean!

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 00:25:14 GMT

I am 35 & not where i would like to be at this point in my life; i'd like to place ALL the blame on someone else but i have to admit this is "partially" my fault, only partially. lol. Anyway, remember when Friday nights used to mean spending the ENTIRE day, no week for that matter, thinking about:

what you were going to wear
maybe buying a new outfit COMPLETE with new underwear
accessories
who you were going out with
where you were going to go
who was going to be there
what you were going to drink
getting your "thang" on
& God only knows what else!

Well i remember those days & DAMN! i miss them. Not just the "going out" persay but the excitement i used to feel. I want that feeling again!!! I'm home this Friday night & as you can tell i feel like crap, a little sentimental & a lot nostalgic!

That's all for now. I'm tired. The House of Pain was NOT nice to me today (that will be another blog another day!). lol.

My Alexandria!

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:56:27 GMT

My older daughter Alexandria is the LOVE OF MY LIFE!! Her & i have been through SO MUCH together. This kid is AMAZING. I know moms are "partial" to their own children & everyone thinks i just say that because she is my daughter but really she is INCREDIBLE; she's sweet, respectful, pleasing, beautiful, smart, funny, talented & so many more things everyone wants their child to be!!! Anyone who has ever met her has fallen in love with her. I always say "if everyone could have a daughter like my Alexandria they would have 10!" & it's true.

Let me tell you a fast story about Alex when she was in Kindergarten: for some odd reason before the year was over she had had 3 teachers (they kept leaving not sure why, i think one was pregnant not sure about the other) but when the last teacher arrived the one that was leaving said "if there is anything you need to know just ask Alexandria!", the teacher who was being told that was Mr. Mike (a young teacher about 23 fresh out of college) & he was like "Phhhhh! YEAH RIGHT! There's NO WAY some little 5-year-old munchkin is going to tell me what to do!". Then he was left all alone never having taught a single class feeling lost & he had remembered what the other teacher said about "asking Alexandria" so he did ask Alex to help him out & TO HIS AMAZMENT my daughter helped show him EVERYTHING the kids did throughout the day, about their lessons, where everything was, who did what, who needed extra help, etc. When he told me this story he had tears in his eyes, i'll never forget. He told me he would NEVER forget my daughter & his first teaching experience & that it was "all downhill from here!".

I love that story, it tells exactly how my daughter really is even though it was long ago, she's 14 now & getting ready to start high school. She has not changed one bit! She's still the most AWESOME kid a mother could ask for. One day she might even be President... i know she is going to be something great, i always knew that!

To my Alexandria, my homegirl...

"I love you so in the world as much as anybody!".

Mommy-BLM fo Lizzife<3